Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
