sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize