He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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