I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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