the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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