I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
