I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
