I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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