If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize