i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
