Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
