Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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