just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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