my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
