yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize