I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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