I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
