so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
