So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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