Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
