So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
