Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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