if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it penis luge time yet?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
