I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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