So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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