The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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