My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
