I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
