Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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