Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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