For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
