Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
