we made out on top of his cat.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
