apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
