rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
