So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize