He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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