Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
