i permit you to call me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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