goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
