Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
