either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
