We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
