also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
