We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
