you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
