It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize