people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
