can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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