Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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