sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There r osticjed everywhere
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
