hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
