All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
