____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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