In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
