When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize