what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
