And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
