if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
