I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize