I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
