4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
