My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize