turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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