this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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