I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize