I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need to sanitize my soul.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
