Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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