i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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