something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
