I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize