2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think people are normalizing furries
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
