The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
