If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
