There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
