Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
