Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
