He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
