I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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