I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
