Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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