The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
