There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
