You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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