I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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