someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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