I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
