Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize