that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
