At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Enjoy the penises
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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