I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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