I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
