I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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