how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
