The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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