I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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