I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
