Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
