my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize