I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
