You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize