You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
