We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
