do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
