theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
