i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
